Scotland 2016 Day 6 - the Pattack

 By John Bickerton

the final bit of the gorge

25th March 2016, Good Friday. Incidentally the morning after party night. And lo, as our Lord and Saviour did approximately 2,000 years ago undergo his trials and torments and near the end of his time on this earthly coil, so did members of LUCC crawl groggily from their beds with splitting heads and arid mouths, by turns sweating, shivering, and spewing as they gazed upon the new day with bloodshot and oozing eyes. And yet, they did somehow make their way to the minibus in search of something to paddle (Scotland unthinkably having failed to deliver on rain in recent days).

Our leaders settled on attempting the Pattack, which looked to be a lovely river in a beautiful forested gorge. We were in luck, it Went! Slight problem- the access road was closed, and we had intelligence that it would not be open for at least a day. Few of us relished the prospect of shouldering our kayaks and trekking the 3km down a treacherous woodland path to the get-on from the car park (our crosses to bear? Is centuries of religious belief and tradition simply an allegory for the faff of paddling? This is getting weird) and so it looked like our paddling plans were foiled. However, a quick conflab with the road workers confirmed that if we were able to sit tight for twenty minutes the road would be open. Having chided our spy for shoddy intelligence gathering (yes Mr Waller that is aimed at you). We made it to the get-on, got changed and sent the drivers off to quite literally run the shuttle (due to the access agreement cars can’t be left at the get-on).

Faye Goes exploring

We got on just below the picturesque Pattack falls (and no, we didn’t run it, as much as we love kayaking, we love not dying even more), split off into groups and set off down the river. There were a few fun rapids to start off with, with a bit (OK, a lot) of scraping (after portaging a tree just downstream of the get-on) and I added another river roll to my collection after inexplicably capsizing. On this day we had a few old friends in the shape of Ady, Grog and Chris (who very kindly lent me his boat for the day) to offer guidance and safety. However, this task was injected with a sense of humour, as I approached one minor drop I was told to hi-five Grog and throw away my paddles. I followed neither of these instructions, not necessarily out of fear, but simply due to having reached the bottom before my addled brain could process them. I’m told the instructions got even more complicated further down the line. Sadly, later on I clocked up another swim on a drop, having given up rolling after three attempts while being mullered in a hole. Maeve was unfortunately in a similar situation, and got a huge dent in her chin for her pains.

Jess gets into a spot of bother whilst Tim and Fiona blithely admire the scenery

Some carnage on the final rapid

We then entered the final gorge. I successfully ran the first few rapids, then waited in an eddy as I helplessly watched Phil’s and then Harry’s boat float downstream to be spat out at the bottom. Oh dear. I was then disturbed in my reverie by Tim and Mollie. Apparently the former had led the latter down the rapid, only to roll and cause the flustered Mollie to swim. Hero boater no longer. It was then my turn to run the final bit, which was essentially go left to avoid being pinned on the nasty rock then hoon it down the centre for the final drop, which I managed with relative ease (What do we say to the God of Death? NOT TODAY!). With everyone done, we got off for tea and medals, had photos taken and were reunited with more old friends, and then went back to the bunkhouse to rest our aching bodies. One of my favourite days of the whole trip, despite the somewhat inauspicious start…

The author challenging the God of Death on the final drop

The crew after a successful day on the water

Scotland Trip Day 5 - River Garry, and a murderous LUCC...

By Gaby Timmins

No trip to Scotland would be complete without a blast down the friendly Garry (what a lad).

The day started out well with an almost speedy get-on, minimal LUCC faff! Groups were hashed out and Fiona’s group led the charge down the sneaky bankside hard right rapid numero uno.

Jordan was murdered as he sat vulnerable in the get-on eddy and his victim passed along. Faye shot down the first rapid then decided she was too hot and went for a swim to cool down. In the meantime Phil was murdered after being advised the eddy containing a murderer was the best one to aim for; with a very vegetarian friendly tin of sardines.

Faye at the get on -very colour coordinated!

The magnificent Dom. hehehe

A short while later a bright green glow appeared on the horizon and to our delight Dom joined our merry band; being down for a few days with Mrs Dom (aka Amy).

We continued down and round a bend following Jordan’s very casual paddling style, just happily cruising along until we encountered the cheeky and chunky middle rapid. This sly beastie is a bouncy right route to avoid a chompy hole. After chucking a few people down, John myself and Phil entered the fray. Phil thought he would swap sports and join sub-aqua with a bracing dip. We crash landed into the mini gorge eddy and lined up for the speedy shoot down the next horizon line.

This little whippersnapper was a right, straight and PLF job, with all of us leaping through like Scottish salmon.

And finally we rounded the approach to the final and very public rapid on the Upper. People have habit of watching the bedlam from the bridge. A decent lead in where you need only avoid the rocks and aim straight and hard through the holes (oo-er). Other persons were to be found jumping off the bridge and enjoying the refreshing Highland waters below.

A ludicrously happy Jack

Everyone successfully down we re-grouped for lunch and with people mooching back up for further runs. Mog and the Hoss ended their previously happy relationship with the monstrous yellow chap gaining a decent dent. Josh had a jumpy lunch living in fear of Phil and the fresher’s helmet. Instead he was murdered after a much orchestrated visit to the quiet of the minibus. (evil laugh)

Everyone gathered for the cruise down the Lower with Faye having swapped fresher paddles for Jack’s unforgiving VE’s. She scampered down and finished the day on her own terms a little way down. #thisgirlcan

The rest of LUCC squad motored down and fell off the only rapid mid-way down. A twisty scrabble down the right, and left a bit, and right at so and so, etc. A calming flat section allowed for conversation and enjoying the environment before the beauties at the end.

The Yorkshire river God

Adi was to be seen like a God of the River upon his rock pointing the exact line off a horizon line ahead. Of course people aimed for it and missed but most came out the right way up! I believe there were additional inspections of the river bed by some persons. We grouped in the subsequent eddy able to see some of a bouncy route down and a sweeping right wave turn. Andy (who remained dry all week-lad points fella!) guided people down centre until Adi scampered down to point a different route. Most had no major problems; again a couple of swims…

Until your dear author decided to cruise down Adi’s route and have an oh bollocks/too far off line/defo no speed here/oh hell moment and over we went. After some inviting head bashing against rocks it was (wo)man overboard and the great cry of SWIMMMMERRRRRRR.

The get-out a short swim downstream allowed collection of kit and it was smiles all round as we changed and packed up vehicles. Except for the dog who we befriended and Phil upset by teasing it with a stick. Mean Phil!

Thanks to all that led, pointed out, guided, safety-ed and collected various pieces of kit and various sub-aqua members.

Your fellow swimmy GT

Scotland Day 4 - MotherF***ing Etive day

By Meg Over

So the day had finally arrived it was MOTHER FUCKING ETIVE DAY!! 

We all rose extra early, keen to face the challenge and trekked into the Scottish wilderness – arriving as per in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a road and river, feeling like we had stepped into Skyfall. We all checked out triple step, working out the best lines to make our epic descent.

triple step

 Following the usual shuttle faff and some forgotten kit (Tim ;)), we finally got on and began the Etive, with a few swims, couple of rolls and a few cut fingers from bashing rocks. After triple step we bimbled on down with the usual portaging, paddling Ski Jump, Crack of Doom, Letterbox and Crack of Dawn - all with varying success, interesting lines and a few sneaky swims which kept everyone busy rescuing and portaging.

Triple 3

Crack of doom

Then of course came the final drop: Right Angle ( a 6m waterfall - less scary than it sounds, promise ) Here again we spent a while facing up to the challenge and then keeping a brave face as we trusted Jordan to send us off down the drop. Or in josh’s case misplaced trust as he was seal launched upside down and somehow managed a magnificent mid waterfall roll and still didn’t swim!! 

Fair to say we were all a far smilier group at the bottom and for once we didn’t even have any boats hiding under the waterfall. At the end it was safe to say we were all a lot more relaxed bimbling down the last part of the river. Knackered, hungry and a bit chilly, we battled on to the get-out (and our sandwiches woo) We had conquered the Etive - on my part a lot more upright than expected. After a long day filled with adrenaline, entertaining lines and a good bit of throwlining I think it's fair to say the Etive had lived up to being a motherfucking good day!


Love Mog xxxx

Scotland Trip - Day 3 The Findhorn

By Mollie Rowley

So onto day 3 and the glorious river Findhorn. After a very long drive to get there, with much singing from myself, I think it was safe to say that everyone was glad to be out of the minibus and get as far away from me and my incessant karaoke, as possible. Be that with or without a kayak. I chose the kayak-less option mid grade 4 rapid but we’ll get on to that bit…

Downstream of Dulsie bridge

We got on at Dulsie bridge spending a short time finding appropriate girl-friendly wee spots and scouting the rapid above. This was quite a fast flowing grade 4 with a couple of drops, a large (and unfortunately inviting) rock and a couple of curly waves with an annoying habit of pushing a large proportion of the days swimmers in at the last minute.

I was clad in full kayaking attire along with a temporary addition of a stylish Dick of the Day T shirt. I had earned this for the offences of: trying to confuse Harry at the top of a rapid; nearly burning Meg’s arm off with the bunk house’s hob (a terrifying mixture of enthusiastically big flames, unpredictable knob-turning and rather small matches); and leaving 2 kg of mince meant for that night’s chilli comfortably chilling in our freezer in Liverpool.

The rapid at the get on

Before getting on I watched Charles have a fight with an extremely dodgy eddy line at the top of the rapid, helpfully showing us it was swim friendly. This was shortly followed by a double roll from Josh who proved that it was also runnable backwards. With some trepidation and a lot of resignation to the fact that I would likely be sans boat at the end, we got on and with Callum leading I made it down a good ¾ of the rapid before the inevitable underwater adventure from myself. Not to worry, as I soon found that I had lots of swimmy friends in the form of Sarah, Meg, Maeve and John. Gaby, who had expertly predicted 6 swims to Jordan was especially smug watching this carnage unfold from the bridge above.

Gaby and Hannah watching the carnage unfold...

Once reunited with our boats we set off again, Mog-a-training the first few bimbles before splitting off into groups. Descending into Levens Gorge we got out and watched some of the more experienced paddlers take on a tricky drop which contained (in Jack’s eloquent description) “a disgusting slotty mess”. All who gave it a go expertly avoided said slotty mess, although some were more inside of their boats than others at the bottom. I gave exactly no help to one of the swimmers when I dyspraxically half threw-half dropped my throwline in the close vicinity of no one. After these valiant efforts to help out we all got back on and continued down.

Phil becoming extremely intimate with the rapid...

The rest of the river was really fun. I performed what I later explained was “a really cool whooshy move that felt awesome” as I caught a tongue around a hole that would later do its best to get to know Sarah better. After that it was pretty much plain sailing. Well, apart from a number of rolls from Josh and an entertaining roll train from Fiona and myself on the same eddy line. We got out for sandwiches and a catch up before skipping (it was cold) joyfully back down to the river to do the last bimble to Logie bridge, where Josh decidedit was time to show us once again just how good he is at rolling. All in all a fun day and lots of wetness experienced by most. Hurrah!

Scotland Trip Day 2 - Spean Gorge

By Faye Leamy

Woo the first full day of Scotland! We were all fresh faced and not at all hungover from the night before with its surprise visits from Belinda… 

fairy steps

Scrapey scrapey was definitely the start for this one, hip thrusting our way to the freedom of deep water, although that was few and far between!After a few bimbles and scrapes we came to the very low fairy steps. To ensure maximum faff everyone got out to look at the feature and watch for swimmers galore. The line was definitely left, and whilst everyone knew that I chose to go to the right, ensuring a capsize and a lovely encounter between a rock and my chin… after being steri-stripped and electric taped back together and plied with Kendal mint cake we continued!

A rare  couple shot of Maeve and Ben

There were lots of smaller rapids around blind corners and a strong eddy that caught out someone… constriction wasn’t running unfortunately and a quick paddle was needed to avoid getting caught in the flow running towards it. But who doesn’t love a good portage? Or two? Especially when the river just stops in front of a wall of rock?

All in all a great days paddling with the loch “just around the corner” for a good deal of it.

Followed by a quick mandatory once a trip visit to fort Williams tiny A&E 

Phil and Sam, you cuties!

Our valiant author

Scotland Trip Day 1 - The Journey North.

It's 5am on a Sunday and a rather sleepy collection of LUCC's most wanted have gathered to start the long journey North. Well, except Meg, who wasn't sleepy but smashed and rocked up straight off the back of a night out in heroic fashion, ready to splendidly pass out as soon as wheels were in motion. Hats off, Meg.

And with way less faff than I anticipated we set off, myself and Jack bravely taking the front seats to aid Gaby in driving by talking/singing incessantly so that she wouldn't get sleepy. With tunes a-plenty and some top notch facts from myself (did you know Lucozade is just GLUCOSE-ade without the G? Mind blown, eh?) we made fantastic time in crossing the border. 

There's not much else to be said about what essentially was just a very long car journey except for that John's public speaking abilities are second to none, especially when the theme of choice is articles from certain male oriented magazines. 

We then stopped for our first paddle of the trip - "some of a section of the Orchy". Scotland had very rudely decided to have a spell of dry weather and so unfortunately rivers were at a level many would describe as 'dirt-low'. After scouting about for a while we found a paddle-able bit with a nice technical drop to begin and general scraping to the get off. We tested the drop to its maximum potential, with Harry deciding to try and nearly pin himself, and me deciding the best line down was backwards, a tradition I would continue throughout the week. Best line in my opinion went to Faye, who styled it and then promptly threw away her paddles as though she wasn't a lovely girl but a dirty rapper dropping the mic.

And that was it for day 1 really. After a second trip down to the get off, we all - well- got off, dried and headed to the bunkhouse, where the faff was just about to begin...

NSR!

By Breeshey (pronounced Breesh-uh) Bond

So. NSR. It came, we went, and we’re all (mostly) still alive. It began on Friday afternoon, where we were to meet at sheds at 4pm. Most of us made it on time (sorry), and at around 4:30 we were off!! To ASDA!! Here, we went on a spending spree of student necessities, which would ensure our survival for the weekend- Beer, pasties, sausage rolls, beer, Doritos, mixer, beer, sweets, biscuits and beer. Then we were actually off!!

The fleet would have made it swiftly to Nottingham if it weren’t for our (or mainly Josh Cs) ridiculously small bladder. Our first stop (after a lot of pleading from Josh) included a short maccies visit, and a disaster as a box of beer fell out the minibus and cans tried to make their escape. We made it a whole 18 minutes before we stopped again, this time in a layby. The stops, combined with rather drunken passengers were a drag on Sam J, our driver, who heroically drove instead of getting smashed (of course this was due to Sam’s insistence, and not Megs nagging). Therefore, he ignored the pleas of the weak-bladdered for another stop, as we were 10 minutes away.

A random kayaker who fully embraced the NSR spirit

We arrived at the campsite following an interesting 9-point turn due to some shoddy directions from a tipsy Meg. It was dark, but we did a remarkably good job of pitching the tents. After registration came the alcohol. Most of the group stayed by the LUCC tents, whilst a few others wandered round to other unis to socialise and meet some new people (I personally met a man known as Spoon, who kindly skipped me back to the LUCC corner). We then wended our way to the party tent to drink, dance, socialise and use portaloos that actually had toilet paper in them. We found Josh (previously named piss-bag) (who was later crowned dick of the day) walking around a fenced off area, which not even the bouncers could get into. Before this, one of the last sightings of Piss-bag was as he jumped onto the back of another unis van as it was driving off. This was just after he had jumped onto the Harry-Faye loveshack and bent the poles (twice). As he was now known to be alive, a slightly annoyed Harry said his job was done, and got back to partying. To this day, it is not known how Josh got out of the fenced off area.

LUCC'ers old, new and not from LUCC...

As the night continued, so the partying became wilder. There were packs of topless students, and many a mosh pit, most of them started by Sam J. Once the revelry had ended, at around 3am, we stumbled our way back to the very cold tents, and most of us ended up in our own ones, too.

             
 Saturday morning we were awoken by Meg demanding we get up and ready. Some of us obeyed, and were treated to breakfast a la Sam, which was scrambled eggs then baked beans with bread. Delicious. The beans were later dumped far too close to our campsite, and remain there to this day. Now we were up, dressed and ready to face the day. We waited 2 hours to face the day, as after Mogs departure, we were left rudderless, wandering aimlessly about, vaguely muttering about the cold and having to be up. Josh was remarkably chipper, considering the night before, but then again after passing out in his sleeping bag, he’d gotten an extra couple hours sleep on top of the rest of us. Meg returned! So we were soon suited and booted and down at the course to give it a bash.

We did remarkably badly at actually entering the competitions, and more than one of us watched a heat, only to find out were meant to have been a part of it. However, we did have fun with it, with Sam J earning paddler of the week, learning that he could roll his boat, and that swimming isn’t too bad in a dry suit, so going down the first drop in a number of amusing positions. Meg and Alex probably did well, as did Josh, showing off his ability to actually kayak. Sam K pulled a great run, only to be taken out by one of the vicious eddies before the last big drop.

Satisfied that I had not fallen in, I decided not to tempt fate, and returned to the campsite to nap with my fellow LUCCers. We were once again rudely awoken by Meg, telling us to go watch the Fresher Women competition. We didn’t. Meg said we should stop being lazy and go be social, to which Jess pointed out that it was Meg who was on her own, we were having a lovely social sleep. We slept some more and eventually awoke to resume our mindless wandering.

After a slight panic about losing the bibs (thankfully Mog saved the day, and all of us from paying extra to replace them), we went to dinner, which was seriously lacking in salt, and ended in a muffin food fight.

We filled some more time by companionably sitting in mansion Sam, watching Meg being assaulted and being blinded by Harry trying to fix a torch to the ceiling.

Then came the short film presentation, with some inspirational films, some funny and some painful to watch (these often involved upside-down kayakers falling off large drops). Then it was back to the campsite to get ready for the main party! Theme: Christmas. LUCC went as the Who’s from Whoville, and I’m sure the party went well. I earned dick of the day by missing this party and opting for sleep instead.I tried to get a report of the night, but sadly those memories have been lost forever due to alcohol poisoning. At least they had a good time, and only a couple of people had to be carried back to their tents.

Sunday morning we awoke to the morning chorus of an annoying guy on a megaphone and Meg, both telling us to get up. Most of us grudgingly did so, and were dressed fairly quickly. This time there was no breakfast a la Sam, as he was busy looking for Sharkie, the companionable, inflatable whale/shark.

Classic brace face from Sam J there!

Off we hopped/slowly trudged to the course for more water-based action. The main bulk of us watched from the side, fending off hangovers and the cold. The less smart of us decided to fend off our hangovers and the cold by flinging ourselves down the course. For me, Meg, Adam and Josh, we came out of it more awake, if a bit colder. Sam was not in a good place. After finishing a round in a duo with Meg, he threw up into a drain, and could be seen at various point throughout the day wobbling about with his boat a-shoulder and eyes unfocused. At least he had fun. Eventually the paddlers decided they were very cold (this point came about as it started hailing/snowing), so returned to the campsite to get changed and sleep, whilst the others stayed to watch the finals.

Not one of us, but pretty cool!

Once the competitions were over, it was a trudge back to the campsite with the boats, and time to break camp. It was at this point that we discovered dick of the day Sam K, who had slept til 4 in the afternoon.

With everything packed, and Andrew and Harry’s best Tetris skills used to pile gear into the minibus, all that was left for us to do was have an egg throwing competition with the left over eggs, push the mini bus out of the mud and leave an alarmingly large pile of rubbish (including Tabs’ duvet). Sam J had made a miraculous recovery from the morning, and was once again behind the wheel.

Much colder and muddier than we had been when we arrived, it was only fitting to stop off at a Maccies to feast on surprisingly warm chips and various meat products (apart from Harry, who had a sad-looking veggie burger thanks to going vegetarian for lent). As always, the post-kayaking Maccies was one of the best meals we’ve ever had, and we left rejuvenated (as well as leaving a trail of mud behind).

From then was a fairly short journey back to sheds, the group much more subdued than on the trip up. Safely home, we quickly put kit away, and people dispersed to have much needed showers. Sadly, the minibus was also in much need of a shower, having put up with very muddy drunkards for the weekend (including the odd random stranger sitting on the roof). Mops and sponges materialised, and we soon had her looking like we’d not be fined a lot of money for the clean-up job once we returned her.

The next day we met at Revs, cleaner and much more awake to have burgers, stories and a terribly long wait for the bill.

All in all, the trip was a success, and great fun. Lots of new friends were made, parties had and a bit of kayaking done. Thanks a lot to Sam for driving, putting up with drunken passengers, not getting us killed and avoiding those lorries. Also thank you to Mog for organising and making sure we actually did things instead of sleeping all day, we may have complained but we do appreciate it.

Here’s hoping next year will be just as messy.

LUCC love, Breeshey xx

Queen Breeshey, Our excellent NSR blogger