TEIFI TOUR 2016

Teifi has been hailed by many in the club as one of the best trips, a weekend filled with carnage, and as it was my first year and I can now concede that it was indeed a whirlwind, or perhaps that was just Andy’s driving. After arriving to the sheds slightly late (as always) to find no truck outside, the fear that John upheld his threat of leaving a man behind struck. Luckily, the arrival of others soothed me only then to discover that Jess had locked herself out! And so the waiting began.
After laying in a kayak for what seemed hours, we were off! The customary Asda pit-stop was topped off with the stealing of a trolley, with Jess and John pulling away in panic with the van door barely closed. Now, the journey picked up a bit, not only with alcohol, but also with speed, which I can account for doesn't make the best combination!
After several questionable pit stops, the state in which we arrived may not have been the classiest - let’s just say that someone who wishes to remain anonymous (and is definitely not the writer and is definitely not to blame) may have left the inside of the minibus in a stinking puke covered state! However this did not deter from continuing the Teifi carnage. A quick change for said puke covered person (who only brought one top for the evening, thus reduced to stealing others!!) and off to set up the tents! Lots of drunk stumbling in the dark then finally off to the party tent. It was a great night topped off with a trip around the field in the trolley (with unfortunate video evidence).
The waking up of the next day was not so great, with hooligans banging on pans in the early hours and the lovely sight of john’s breakfast in a can, a slow start was inevitable. But with JJ rallying the troops, we eventually made it to the river. Setting off felt a bit shaky with a hangover but with some encouragement and a big splash to the face on the first rapid, I perked up quickly, only to find miles of slow moving water. After a decade, we eventually arrived to the last section: a waterfall? Seemed so in person, but looking back on pictures brings doubts. Let’s say a small drop, and yet too much for me. The river split into two with another unfriendly looking drop that we were told to avoid. Obviously my kayak wasn’t listening as it dragged me towards it after an unmentioned turbulent channel, and in my feeble attempt to escape this drop I hit the dividing rocks and was knocked over. Luckily my spray deck popped off in time for me to go over the drop alone as my boat didn’t make it any further. I was quickly rescued by the safety team and yet the same cannot be said for my kayak. It was pinned for a painfully long amount of time especially to all the other kayakers waiting at the top (apologies), but once free my kayak had received severe injuries ending it’s river career - RIP.
After discovering that Joshua Spencer was the youngest of the two freshers (yay for me) it was demanded that he bought porn from a local shop under the premise of it being “tradition”. After trying one shop, Josh was very determined to get his porn and went into another with an elderly female owner. It’s great to see Josh’s reenactment of this interaction and I’m sure that we have forced him to tell everyone about it since, and if you haven’t seen it - ASK.
Onto the second night of Teifi, we thought we’d be cool kids and skip the pool games and pre drink forever by ourselves in a little circle in the middle of a dark field. Josh 1 spent the entire time being super social by quietly sitting making his cactus costume as neat as his drunk brain could manage. Despite his best attempts to make his costume so dapper, this didn’t deter from him getting slapped by a blonde in the course of the evening. Drunk and late, we were off to the tent! All except one, Alice was still napping and woke mad at Josh 2 for nearly missing the whole night. The night, however, consisted of lots of plots to steal cowboy hats and sombreros, pistols
shots that killed Josh 2 and lots of dunkings into the pool; the most commendable would be the failed attempt of adam that ended in jess being dumped onto her head, or Josh’s dunk that almost cost him his hearing aid. After several swims myself and the stealing of shoes, my night ended memorably by dancing in pjs to the cha cha.
The next morning was rough, especially for the panicked Callum who thought he was still at pre drinks, and whoever's air mattress was tossed onto the lake. Slowly, we start we packed up, which involved throwing lots of food at me, including ham unknowingly being on my hat - very funny guys. And after stealing some more shoes, I was able to make it back home on a drive far less perilous than the one it took to get there. Great trip overall, even if I was a mess most the time.

By Faye Ferris

2017, HERE WE COME!

Hope you're all ready for a fun-filled 2017! The blog has been pretty quiet recently, but the last few trips of 2016 were ones to remember! Teifi Tour was, as always, filled with adventure and shenanigans, our spontaneous day trips all ran smoothly and Christmas Paddle was the most festive we've ever had!
Watch this space for more tales of of tragedies and triumphs when LUCC continues to take to the water in 2017...

North-West Polo Tournament October 2016

The day started off with a nice trip down to sheds. I got my first ride in Andy’s new car and I can confirm it is a car and it is blue. We had great fun packing 3 boats and a full teams worth of kit into and onto the car, I learned that the boat isn’t strapped securely to the roof until you’ve heard 3 cracks.  A slight bombshell was dropped to me that my beloved polo boat was probably going to sink by halftime due to the fuckoff hole in the bottom.

                We arrived at the docks bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and just a bit smug at having slept til 9 whilst other teams had gotten up at 6am to be here. After a quick recce, we sadly realised there was no bacon for us to buy and eat, so we instead got to the time-honoured tradition of getting changed in a carpark.

                Opting for being warm over looking cool we also decided to be cag wankers. Thankfully, so did everyone else.

                Once on the water we started off on our way onto the pitch, only to be called back by Sam who needed help with his deck. It turns out Sam’s deck was a 3 man job, one of those men including the referee. After a small delay, we were ready for the off. Our first game was against the Salford Dragons, who told me that next time they will be aptly named the Salford PoloBears. We had made a pact to not bin each other, but I sadly forgot to mention that to Tolly and Andy…

                Halfway through the game I actually remembered how to play polo, and soon after that remembered how exhausting it is. Luckily, our opposition weren’t forming much of a defence, leaving such a huge space that even I managed to score a goal. Our first game saw a goal from each member apart from the polo sec, who was suitably ridiculed.

                We returned to Andy’s car triumphant, me especially as my boat hadn’t sunk, so I wouldn’t have to spend the next 5 polo sessions trying to fit into a different one. Andy was left to referee the carnage of the following game which included a tremendous amount of paddle fouling (for those non-polo players, hitting people hard in the face with your paddles). We revived ourselves with Haribo and tea and were soon ready for our 2^nd match.

                This time we were prepared for the terror that was Sam’s tiny deck, and with guidance from Andy, John, Sam and I were able to get it on. Alice joined the team for our 2^nd game which was against Bangor, whom I have always hated, especially that beardy number 11… With Alice on our side we seemed an unstoppable force of nature until we let a goal in. And then Sam got binned and nearly drowned because he couldn’t get his deck off. And then I got binned IN TIMEOUT BY THAT BEARDY PRICK #11. I do not recommend drinking the Mersey. Down to a 4 man team I think we stormed it as we somehow got 3 goals in whilst I was having a nice paddle around Liverpool docks. Sadly, Sam never got back in the game due to deckgate.

                Our 3^rd match was against FOA E team. I was scared. I’ve heard FOA is good. I got to the pitch. 2 members of FOA E were 13. Another was 60. Terrifying. At one point I thought we were going to be murdered, or worse, lose. Luckily, I had team mates who aren’t scared of preteen Scousers and we pulled through.

                All that remained was to get changed (I decided to move away from the family in the car next to us) and take boats back to sheds.

                Massive LUCC pride, we won 3 out of 3 games, AND I didn’t cry when I got binned. Result.

                LUCC love, Breeshey (Breesh-UH) xx

Freshers Trip 2016

Not wanting to miss the quality meal at Carnatic we arrived late to the sheds to dig the last boats from the back. Still managing to beat Faye who almost forgot to grab one, like Elliot; who even being old and supposedly organised didn't manage to bring his and spent the weekend sinking in various rejects. After collecting our gear, we hopped aboard the party bus that was actually pretty quiet as we were sober strangers... for now! An ASDA stop off was an educational experience and the freshers dutifully followed instructions to buy crisps and alcohol- the only two weekend essentials!

Mog stalled only once but having passed her test just days before stuck to the speed limits nicely and we were the final bus to arrive. We moved in, shoving our stuff in a pile that many bags never emerged from (has anyone seen a black coat or beach towel?) all thought of some ice breaker facts about ourselves- basically everyone is Welsh or wants to be, then split up into groups for drinking games games. From this point the night is a little blurrier but some highlights deserve a mention... Jasmine demonstrated well how medics like to drink and spent hours locked in the office on top of everyone's sleeping stuff while the third Josh made a new best friend Jessica who happened to be the toilet and apparently was a 'slut.’

Happy Freshers!

No one quite believed the morning was the morning when Mog cheerily decided it was time to rise and shine- we didn’t move for a good hour! Oozing with porridge we set off through the beautiful Lake District scenery that few were able to fully appreciate. Looking sexy in wetsuit gear we paddled off into the lake and almost immediately all the freshers plus Bree managed to get lost around an island where James became the first swimmer when he jumped in to 'cool off'- a decision later regretted. The paddling speed increased at the mention of lunch (except Non who had a very public wetsuit wee) and we all enjoyed a ham and almost cheese sandwich. Flipper then warmed us up and shook off those hangovers with the magical penguin dance.

Remembering our important sounding hand signals- except Dan who just made them up-  we set off into some moving water... The A team (Cat, Amy, Flipper and Dan) breezed through the rocks and rapids, dodging the carnage caused by trees and getting so far ahead we stopped for a siesta. Everyone had a wonderful paddle even those who swam most of the way (very impressive Alex) and those whose faces may have made it appear otherwise!

Saturday night started with a much needed recovery nap quickly followed by some alcoholic catch up. Finally, we were all educated as to why we were told to bring a spare sock as we began sock wrestling. The social secs started with an erotic strangle and the violence only escalated with carpet burns and bruises joining the bloody wounds from a vicious game of spoons. Hours later we crashed on a sick covered carpet- hygiene levels had definitely decreased this weekend for everyone but James who stripped down and spent the majority of the night washing his hair in the sink.

Pyranha Squad 

The next morning was even more painful than the last but the clean-up job was very impressive! The weather stayed beautiful and our paddle down from Lake Windermere was just as lovely with the A team emerging triumphant and just a little wetter than yesterday. The brave, dumb and people who could actually kayak refused to be beaten by the final rapids that had an inconvenient central rock for crashing into. Captain Green did let us down by staying warm in a onesie rather than leading the way but some quality lines (still not 100% sure what that means) and impressive swims were made!

Tackling the gnarly rapids

Almost everyone slept the whole way home even those who were supposed to be keeping the driver awake and Elliot definitely stalled more than Mog had. We unloaded when the van managed to find its way out of a mysterious traffic jam then were kindly dropped back- sadly just missing the Carnatic food- tired but very happy! Thank you so much to everyone that made the weekend so much fun and looked after us. 

Love Cat and Amy xxx

Freshers Trip 2016

Pre-fresher’s trip 2: The Upper Trwywr- twyryr- tyr- river near Bala

Surprisingly, the second of LUCC’s trips for returning members was the first in which this author had paddled the well-loved Tryweryn, and I was left wondering how I’d managed to get away with it after being a (fairly) active member of the club for two years. Anyway, the recent late-summer spell of good weather which, while it no doubt kept my agriculturalist father happy, was not conducive to kayaking, and so necessitated a visit to this dam-controlled river.

So, bright and early one Sunday morning a gang of LUCC members loaded up, and headed to north Wales. We decided to lap the upper section a few times as it would be more challenging, and less cluttered with slalom boaters. We began with a few laps of the short graveyard section, to remind ourselves what these eddy things were and how to get in and out of them without looking like an idiot. I then managed to clock up a swim in the section below graveyard, and my boat carried on through ski jump perfectly well without me. Having caught up with it, I completed the rest of the run without too much incident, though the same could not be said of the indomitable Josh H (six swims over the course of the day was it?).

The second lap began reasonably well, though Alex got his comeuppance for messing around in a hole. Later on, I took another swim in the monster hole below Miss Davies’ bridge; this time my boat understandably decided it was far better off completing the river without me. We then had a lunch break before starting the final lap, at which point Elliot apologised profusely to me and Josh for being left to our own devices on a river that we hadn’t done before. And so, I was guided down, and was looking forward to a dry run of the river, until the end when my body gave up and allowed the river Gods to tip me in. Never mind, it was time for club cuppas all round, and I was left wondering how I’d avoided the pleasure of what turned out to be one of the most enjoyable rivers I’ve ever done, including the standard LUCC it’ll-be-alright-on-the-night carnage.

They see me rollin'...

The day for the first trip of the year had arrived. Our new “no-faff” trip sec John started the day by faffing about. When we all eventually arrived at sheds (an hour and a half after the original meeting time), we picked up the pace, packed up the van and off we went.

Water levels were relatively low, so the only thing we were able to tackle that was running was the River Dee. However, I had never paddled the Dee before so I was happy to be giving it a go. Since the levels weren’t horrendous, the weir at the start was doable for people of all abilities and everyone made it over dry and in one piece.

It turns out that not paddling for over 3 months has a huge impact on your ability to avoid rocks, so it was not long before I hit one and became the first swimmer of the day! After being reunited with my boat, we carried on down the river with no major issues to report.

Then we hit Serpent’s Tail, one of the more complicated sections of the Dee. Roughly 50% made it down swim-free, while the rest of us endured a bit of a battering from the water and the rocks (I think the worst injury was my bruised thumb). We all soldiered on and hopped back into our boats to hit the water once more!

The next challenge: JJ’s. It’s basically a run of some semi-meaty rapids, but nothing too complicated, so we all made it down nice and easy. We stayed at the last section to play in a very friendly wave, which most of us had never done before. After a bit of coaxing, I gave it a whirl, and promptly got pushed out again. Determined to actually get at least one paddle stroke in whilst in the wave, I tried again. This time, I stayed in for slightly longer (hurray!) but then got tipped in (boo!). Then, something miraculous happened. I DID MY FIRST EVER RIVER ROLL!!! Amazing.

This stupendous event sparked some conversation, which led to Jasmine trying to river roll, and failing epically. While we were rescuing her, Josh also fell in (please bear in mind that this was all on flat water). Two quick river rescues and then we were on our way again.

Town Falls was within our sights, but us girls decided we would portage and end the day there (it didn’t look particularly easy, and we’d done pretty well up until that point), so we left the boys to it. By all accounts it was a remarkable feat, with an excellent line from Andrew, a roll from Sam and not a swimmer in sight.

Although I swam a couple of times and got battered by more than a few rocks, my river roll was my biggest kayaking achievement to date. To sum up: Best. Day. Ever.

Scotland Trip Day 7 - Upper, Middle and Lower Roy

By Jack Ward

With it being our last full day in Scotland, Jordan planned to do the Roy Gorge to give the more experienced boaters a chance to crap themselves along with the lower Roy as a a nice gentle way to finish off the trip for everyone. 

Roy faff level: LUCC

What he didn’t count on was Dom throwing the Upper roy into the mix. Dom assured us that it was definitely, definitely suitable for the whole group despite the water looking pretty quick and some definite grade 4 rapids being seen on the way up.The shuttle was particularly long however the majority of the club killed time by seeing how long they could annoy Liam for until he snapped. 1 hour and 40 minutes of standing at the get-on later led to Liam chasing the group with a large stick. Good effort.

The large volume and speed of the water surprised most people and “group friendly” was definitely pushing it! Still it gave people plenty of practise rolling and put them in good stead for the alps. Moment of the river goes to Meg for going hard right when the line was hard left and managing to get backloooped in the hoss, a feat thought to only exist in myths. 

We finished at the start of the Roy gorge where many exhilarated, exhausted and soggy paddlers got off, including Jess who after seeing Doms boat take on the gorge without Dom in it decided against it. 

Top line from Fiona

The gorge carried on where the upper left off, increasing in size and speed with less forgiving rapids. 

The first half was a success and, after a ball-ache of a portage, we got on post-syphon where I was informed by a cheery chris that this was where the good stuff started. Cue back to back grade 4+ rapids and my pants were getting browner by the second. As 4th in group of kayakers I saw Jordan expertly pick his way through a series of nasty holes, and disappear over a sharp horizon line. I was slightly concerned to see him upside down and this only increased as Chris and Graham took the same line with the same consequences. At this point with the horizon line fast approaching I knew I had to either find a new line or trust Jordan's. 30 seconds later I'm upside down after landing sideways in a nasty slot with Todd valiantly trying to hand roll off my head. 

Oh Dom..

The gorge finally opened up to my relief and Liam's disappointment and we met up with the rest of the group at the start of the lower Roy. The lower Roy was at a lovely level compared to previous years which normally claims half of your boat and bits of your face and knuckles for good measure. We bimbled down with Sarah, Andy and Meg all having a go at leading. I got out to do safety for the final rapid, contemplating my first Scotland trip without a swim, looking at my progress over the last 4 years and looking forward to many more trips in the future. I then swam on a grade 2 wave by trying to ferry across without a deck on and subbed out. After trying to paddle with the boat on the riverbed for a few seconds I got out and seriously considered taking up stamp collecting instead. Swim of the week 3 years in a row. Woop woop.